Sex and psychotherapists tell about the causes of erectile dysfunction and how to overcome it.
Increase potential, or where does "male power" go?
The internet and television are flooded with ads for pills and "magic" potions that promise to restore "male power" and eliminate erectile dysfunction. And supply, as we know, is born of demand. What happened - why was the man "pampering"? The internet and social networks turn out to be "more attractive" than surviving women? Or maybe women themselves are to blame because their masters are increasingly having less of a desire to be men, as well as a desire to fulfill this desire?
Well-known sex-psychotherapists answered this question and other questions to our reporters.
If a man is not interested in a particular woman and sexual life in general, it comes to impotence. . . Is this fair?
- The term "impotence" is excluded from the world classification of diseases and replaced by the term "erectile dysfunction". Nevertheless, the word "impotence" is still common in everyday life. The literal translation means "no power". For men, this is a very important area in life. And if there is a failure in it, then in almost every case, regardless of the main reason, there is also a mental component. Men only see the symptoms, the results. And they refer to the loss of an erection or its weakness in the process of sexual intimacy. Of course, as a rule, the emotional component accompanies this complaint. A man can experience anxiety as well as depression. Whatever women think about men, in fact, they all want to succeed not only at work, but also in their personal lives.
Now there is a lot of talk about "ageless" impotence. Is that so?
- I have 16 years of practice in the profession, and I can rely not only on statistics, but also on my own observations. In fact, in the last 10 - 15 years, a decrease in the average age of our patients can be observed. More and more young people are in attendance. At the beginning of my career, the average age of patients was 40 years, now 35 years.
When a man "can’t and doesn’t want to", what is to blame in the first place: physiological, psychological, or perhaps social factors?
- There is usually no single reason. When I communicate with a patient, I try to understand his lifestyle - how emotional is he, is he getting enough sleep, is he having a middle -aged crisis? What is his attitude in an intimate environment, what is the behavior of the couple? After all, for example, a woman who does not know how to seduce, but only needs the fulfillment of "marital duties", is often one of the causes of psychogenic erectile dysfunction. Often in practice there is a syndrome of anxious anticipation of sexual failure. In this situation, a man corrects the failure, and the next time he is already waiting for it. Sex was a test for him. And if a woman voluntarily or unintentionally "adds fuel to the fire", sexual neurosis forms. And the man turned on "evasive behavior. " Some were offended by work or alcohol. Some - unknowingly provoke quarrels with their wives, so that the idea of †‹вЂ‹ intimacy will seem absurd. Confused men sometimes choose a different way than going to the doctor. And exacerbate problems and relationships with spouses, wives. And it's not far from divorce. Some go to a urologist for illiteracy, but it is necessary - to a sex specialist.
Not "can" or "won’t"?Women are often tormented by one question: what is more important - "can’t" or "don’t want to"?
- As they say, one does not bother the other - you can "do not want" and "can not" at the same time. But it’s important to remember that an erection is, first of all, a clear indicator of "I want", and not "I can". But even this "will" is not limited. Much depends on sexual constitution, that is, on a man’s temperament.
Is it true that men themselves often don’t notice the problem and even accuse the woman of wanting "too much" of it?
- You can demand praise and eroticism from a man - for example, a kiss, a gentle blow. And erections are not according to will. Not the will of women, nor the will of men. Once the word or thought "should" arises, this is the beginning of a road to a dead end.
More and more, they’re talking about the effects of stress on modern men - is it really awful for the intimate sphere?
- Of course. Nature opposes conception under stress. And reduce the level of attraction through hormonal mechanisms. Stress levels increase - the level of the anti -stress hormone prolactin increases, and it, in turn, suppresses the production of testosterone, the hormone responsible for sexual desire in men and women. As a result, deactualization of the sexual sphere takes place.
The main woman is the mother.They say that a man’s ability to "be a man" depends on his upbringing and on the kind of relationship he has with his mother - is that true?
- No doubt! The first prototype of women for men was the mother. He is the one who lays the foundation for relationships with the opposite sex. Every woman who wants happiness for her child, especially a man, should breastfeed him at least in the first year after birth. It is during this period that positive and negative attitudes, open or cautious towards the female gender are formed. The first mother was a woman. And if the family is incomplete, and the mother tries to play the role of both parent, then the child will not see either female or male behavior as a result. . . And as a result, his experience of communicating with the opposite sex. can be negative. And this is a direct path to isolation, to frustration. . . Moreover, isolation may not be literal, but emotional. For example, a man can change partners relentlessly, remaining alone. In sexology, this is called free association, i. e. free association without the ability to establish deep emotional connections. Therefore, if a person dreams of creating a strong and happy family, this situation requires in -depth study.
What is the most common mistake made by a mother raising a son?
- The boy must see examples of male behavior. If not in the family, then in the sports section. Finally there is an uncle, grandfather. But ideally, of course, there should be a father who is loved by the boy’s mother. Care, stress, excessive order are dangerous. They are full of the appearance of childish and feminine behavior in a teenager.
Marriage - just for love! Some women are obsessed with their appearance and do everything to please their husbands. And some stop taking care of themselves, focusing entirely on the family, on the kids. Maybe in general a woman behaves "wrongly" until her man loses interest in intimate life?
- A lot depends on a woman, both positively and negatively. For example, you can appear in front of your husband in untidy clothes, criticize him in the event of sexual failure (although, if you think about it, that’s actually not his failure, but his failure), not support him, but embarrass him and "finish. " Off "withwords and all your behavior, and here is the result: she wants nothing! So to the young woman who came to see me, I always said: "Marry for love, respect your man, praise him-and he willmove the mountain for you! "Neat appearance, good physical shape, perfume, grooming are always an advantage. But the panicky obsession of some women with their appearance is already a problem of women's self -esteem and their relationships with others. After all, if people are attracted to each other only by bodythem, this is a version of human love that is "thrown away. " There must be a desire of the soul, people must be interested together not only in bed, but also outside.
This is "horrible" businessman. Does it happen that a socially successful woman is not attractive, but scares a man? After all, where does an army of beautiful, intelligent and successful women who experience silence come from? Why do men avoid them?
- This is not about success, but about patterns of behavior. If a woman in a competitive environment starts using a male model of behavior - for example, she becomes assertive, hard, and this is sometimes required in a competitive environment, then masculine men or, more simply, "brave" men don’t like it. Feminine - more "feminine" (this is what is called a "census"), such models may look attractive, because they are accustomed to comply.
Take care man! If a woman is willing to fight for her man, for the happiness of the family, how should she act when her husband is having trouble in bed?
At the very least, you should let him sleep. Completely stop any criticism - even that which may be considered constructive by women. Ask forgiveness for past mistakes. To voice that she didn’t need sex for at least a week. It’s time to get to know each other better. And against this background - a relaxing daily massage with oil. And you have to do it one by one. If there are no positive dynamics against this background, you should definitely go to a sexologist, who can find the hidden medical and psychological reasons for the condition. It is important to explain to the man that there will be no search for "guilty" and "sick" at the reception. An appointment with a doctor is necessary to improve the quality of your sex life - and this is possible!
Are there examples from your practice when a woman helps a man gain confidence in himself - in every way?
- I'll tell you about my patient's wife recently. His behavior is amazing! I was approached by an entrepreneur who was suffering terribly in the new economic situation. Many problems befell him, and in the midst of the pressure, the decline in interest in his wife began. But most importantly, he worries about how he will tell her that, perhaps, soon he might lose his business completely and they will be left without money and with huge debts. . . But his wife is used to a high standard of living. . . . I advised him to tell him everything there was. If not close people, who will support us in difficult times? And my intuition did not disappoint me. The patient at the next appointment reported that his wife listened to him and said: "It's okay, if this happens, I'll go to work too. After all, I fell in love with you when you were a poor student. I love you now and I will always love you, no matter what happens. From these words alone, the man has strength, the panic is gone, and his affairs are getting better - in every respect. At the last appointment, he told me: "I will not leave my wife - I will remembertoday for the rest of my life! "I think this woman deserves her love. And I'm calm for their relationship. I want people to love each other, appreciate, respect, support. And that these are not words, but deeds.